Although over the past decade or so, it seems that therapy has become less stigmatized and more mainstream, there continues to be an ambivalence on the part of many parents to disclose to their children that they are seeing a mental health professional. Understandably it can be confusing and stressful to try and bring up in conversation. Parents may feel afraid about
their child’s perceptions of themselves and potential embarrassment at seeing a therapist. Sometimes this can reflect caregivers’ own anxieties about meeting with a therapist. I have found over the years that the best practice is to talk with children and teens directly and
honestly about who a psychologist is and what therapy entails. In fact, speaking openly about the therapy process can help the child feel more comfortable and help lessen any stigma surrounding meeting with a mental health provider.

Below are a few tips for parents to help guide the conversation with their child or teen. Of course, the developmental level is an important consideration, and language should be tailored to the age of the child:

1) Normalize it. People take their car to the mechanic to get the brakes fixed, and dings repainted but also for maintenance oil changes. We go to the dentist to help fix teeth but also for routine check-ups. Similarly, people go to psychologists to help with any difficulties or problems but also to do check-ins on how things are going. It’s a place to not only talk about worries and difficulties but also to talk about strengths and things
that are going well. Emphasize that therapy is a proactive step in taking care of their mental health, just like going to the doctor for a physical checkup.
2) Describe it. I often describe my job to young children as the type of doctor that doesn’t do any physical checkups (I won’t be listening to your heart or measuring your height) but rather a talking and feelings doctor. Sometimes we will talk, draw, play games, or practice skills together.
3) Get comfortable with the technology and get them involved. Let them know what to expect. For example, that the first meeting will be information gathering, and the therapist will likely ask several questions to the family and the child. Show your child my picture and website, and if over telehealth, practice signing onto Zoom so that your
child can get used to how the camera views work, etc. With teens, in particular, it can be helpful to show them how to minimize the view of themselves on screen as many teenagers become distracted or dislike seeing themselves on the Zoom meeting. Ask them where they would feel most comfortable meeting with the therapist (e.g., in their
room or in the basement) and ensure that their time spent meeting with the therapist is private and confidential. Relatedly, let the child or teenager know that therapy sessions are a safe place to discuss anything they would like and that parents will not know everything they talk about in therapy. Of course, this has limitations, such as in cases of suicidal ideation or abuse, but this will be discussed with both yourself and your
child in the first meeting.
4) Be honest about your concerns. It’s often helpful to discuss with the child why they are meeting with a psychologist. Saying something like: “We’ve noticed you have been worrying a lot about XYZ, particularly at nighttime, and there is someone who can meet with you to help with those worries”. Additionally, focus on the positive aspects of therapy, such as gaining new coping strategies, improving emotional well-being, and building resilience.
5) Choose the right time and place. It’s best not to discuss therapy in the heat of the moment or to use therapy as a punishment for a child’s behavior. Unless there are safety concerns where more intensive therapy may be needed, it’s best that the child or teen is open to the idea of speaking to a mental health provider. Ask them if they have any questions, and listen to any concerns they may have.

Talking to your child about seeing a psychologist can be a sensitive and difficult topic to broach. Approaching the conversation with care, empathy, and understanding can create a supportive environment that will help your child see therapy as a valuable tool for their mental health. Using these five tips as guidelines, you can encourage open communication, address your child’s concerns, and empower them to take an active role in their well-being.